New flu variation:

The World Health Organization announced today a new hybrid
strain of flu to be henceforth known as Avian-Porcine Influenza
generally believed to be caught from contact with…..

 

Another day:

So I’m sitting here missing the redhead again and thinking about what I could have done differently.  Nothing comes to mind!  The old adage, “If you love someone et them free!  If they come back they are yours forever; if they don’t they never were” seems to only apply to old adage writers. Oh well, another day going by slowly to be followed by another night at my favorite watering hole!

 

Been away too long:

Recent events in my life made me briefly forget just how good life is.  I sat on the deck at Greenies in Norfolk, VA Sunday with two of my best friends in the world, Janet and Misty just enjoying great music from Borderline Crazy and watching a beautiful sunset.  I garnered a new appreciation for what I have in life.  I lost the love of my life recently but learned a great deal about myself in the process.  If you can’t sit and watch a sunset over the water and enjoy it with friends, you need to slow down and remember what is truly important in life.  Things don’t matter, people do!

 

How often do you:

…pause to look at the sky. Sit and enjoy a beautiful sunset. Listen to a musician on the street. Hold someones hand and pause to reflect. We move too fast these days! Take a minute for yourself every now and then!

 

When you have a bad day at work remember this!

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by “Johnson and Johnson.” Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy. Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed.
Open the package and remove the thermometer. Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken. Take out the material that comes with the thermometer and read it. You will notice that in small print there is a statement: “Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested”.
Now close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: “I am so glad I do not work for quality control at the Johnson and Johnson Company.”
Have a nice day, and remember…there is always someone with a worse job than yours.

 

Men’s Responses to women:

This was too funny to pass up…
To Women everywhere, from the Men who have had enough!

(And by the way: this was sent to me by a woman.)

# If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

# If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us anymore — we refuse to answer.

# Sometimes we’re not thinking about you. Live with it. And don’t ask us what we are thinking about unless you’re prepared to discuss such subjects as belly button lint or monster trucks.

# Sunday equals sports. It’s like the full moon or the tides: there’s nothing you can do about it. And shopping isn’t a sport, never was a sport and never will be a sport.

# When we’re going out, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. Just fine. The first thing you put on. Truly. Now let’s get going already!

# You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes. Most guys own just 3 pairs of shoes. Why do you think we’d be any good at choosing which of your 30 pairs goes well with that dress?

# Crying is blackmail. Blackmail is cheating. Men don’t like people who cheat. See “Sports”.

# Just come out and ask for what you want. Let’s be absolutely clear on this point: Subtle hints don’t work, strong hints don’t work, really obvious hints don’t work. If you’re really serious about it, just come right out and ask us. And by the way, the answer is probably “no”.

# We don’t know what day it is, and never will. Write all birthdays, anniversaries and other special occasions in bright red on the calendar, and make sure we see it.

# Trust me on this, standing up while peeing makes it much harder to aim. We’re bound to miss sometimes. It’s not the end of the world.

# “Yes” and “no” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost any question.

# Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

# A headache that recurs every night is a problem. See a doctor.

# Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Unless there’s fighting in it.

# Check your dang oil. And if your car makes a “funny noise”, say something now — don’t wait until it gets worse. Remember: it always gets worse.

# It is not in your best interest or ours to take that magazine quiz together. It doesn’t matter which magazine or which quiz.

# Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument and all comments become null and void after 7 days.

# If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant it the other way. Really.

# Ogling is genetic in males. It doesn’t mean we love you less. As my old friend Rich used to say, “It doesn’t matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home.” Just be glad we have an appetite, OK?

# You can either tell us to do something or tell us how to do something, but not both.

# Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

# All men see in about 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color. And life is easier if you bunch all those “eggshell” colors into “pretty much white.”

# When it itches, it will be scratched. Live with it.

# Know how you feel about handbags? That’s how we feel about beer.

# If we ask what’s wrong, and you say “nothing”, we’ll act like nothing’s wrong. We know you’re lying — it’s just not worth the hassle to dig it out of you. So if you have something to say, just say it!

# Finally, if we’ve settled an argument, it’s settled, OK? Don’t start it all over again later. If it’s not settled in your mind, don’t agree to the settlement the first time.

 

Early Retirement Letter From Management:

Dear Staff,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to managementto be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants of Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management. Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
Management

 

I Can’t Believe We Made It!

According to today’s regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, 70’s or even the early 80’s, probably shouldn’t have survived.

Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint.

We had no childproof lids or locks on medicine bottles, doors, or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Horrors!

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. No cell phones. Unthinkable!

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms.

We had friends! We went outside and found them.

We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt.

We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. They were accidents. No one was to blame but us. Remember accidents?

We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out any eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment.

Some students weren’t as smart as others, so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade. Horrors! Tests were not adjusted for any reason.

Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected.

The idea of parents bailing us out if we got in trouble in school or broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the school or the law. Imagine that!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, and inventors, ever. We had freedom, failure, success, and responsibility— and we learned how to deal with it. And you’re one of them!

Congratulations.

Please pass this on to others who were blessed to grow up as “kids” before lawyers and government regulated our lives “for our own good” !!!

Source: unknown

 

My Opinion:

I find that as I get older my opinions change on many core issues. That said, the fact that I am right doesn’t change……lol

 

Life, Love and Death:

I don’t want to age gracefully and go quietly to wherever it is you go when you die. I want to have a glass of bourbon in one hand, a beautiful 25 year old woman on my other arm and arrive screaming yahoo, it’s my 95th birthday!

Don’t tell me I have to be reserved and refined as I get older.  The only thing that should be refined and reserved in its old age is a good,  single malt Scotch and we all know what best to do with that.

I’ve often said the only way to die well is to be shot at 90 by a 25 year old jealous husband!

I want to be stuffed and mounted when I die and stood in the corner of my favorite bar, drink in hand.  Just have a cute bartender dust me occasionally and refill my drink.

The nice thing about forgetting things as you grow older is you are always meeting new people!

Aging gracefully is a myth perpetuated by the boring to keep the image of respect in their dull existence.  Give me a few shots of tequila, a cute woman and a warm bar stool and I’ll show you graceful….and grateful!

Remember we are all crazy, love is just determining how much crazy you’ll put up with!  Tolerance grows with age.

 

Serious Warning: Home Depot Scam!!!!

A “heads up” for those of you who may be regular Home Depot customers. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever Scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite a traumatic experience. Don’t be naive  enough to think “It couldn’t happen to you!”

Here’s how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.

It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say “No” and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the back seat.

On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and  performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen June 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, & 24th. Also on July 1st, 3rd, twice on the 7th, three times just yesterday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So be careful.

 

EPISTEMOPHILIA made me do it:

It has been my experience that most bathycolpian callipygian women are also chrysophilic.  Just an observation and it may stem from my kalopsic and somewhat philophrenic tendencies.

 

Quotes:

The only reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live…..anonymous

“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re okay, then it’s you.” – Rita Mae Brown.

“In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukka’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukka!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!’”Dave Barry

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed….Albert Einstein

 

Technology and Magic

Any technology, significantly advanced so as not to be understood by the masses is indistinguishable from magic!

 

December 1st, 2008, Let the Hypocrisy Begin!

Hard to believe it is December 1st already.  The onslaught of Christmas cheer and commercialization is in full force.  We have lost all sight of the meaning of Christmas and the spirit of the season!  Instead of buying lots of junk this year for people you love do something for them or make something for them using your own creativity and talent.  It is sad that we judge our nations economic health by the amount people spend at Christmas.  It is, whether you be Christian, Pagan, Muslim etc. supposed to be a time of forgiveness and rebirth of the basic humanity we should all embrace daily.  Call a friend you haven’t talked to in a while.  Take a meal to a shut in.  Serve food to the homeless.  Blessed be to you all and may your Karma be strong and good!

 

Words of Wisdom from a great leader:

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. The cost of one modern heavy bomber is this: a modern brick school in more than 30 cities. It is two electric power plants, each serving a town of 60,000 population. It is two fine, fully equipped hospitals. It is some fifty miles of concrete pavement. We pay for a single fighter plane with a half million bushels of wheat. We pay for a single destroyer with new homes that could have housed more than 8,000 people. This is, I repeat, the best way of life to be found on the road the world has been taking. This is not a way of life at all, in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron. […] Is there no other way the world may live?

–Dwight David Eisenhower, “The Chance for Peace,” speech given to the American Society of Newspaper Editors, Apr. 16, 1953.

 

The Big 3 Bailout:

Recent events in Congress and other political forums lead me to believe that perhaps the bailout of the Big 3 is not in our best interest without a very succinct and comprehensive plan for the distribution of any funds allocated.  I certainly agree that the average worker should not suffer and pesioneers should be protected.  If the money is utilized in any way to line the pockets of the Fat Cats at the helm I wholeheartedly oppose such measures.  The auto industry as a whole has been far to complacent and has lacked the innovation and drive to create a solution to their own problems.  Get rid of the upper echelons.  Bring in young, hungry and innovative new talent from the rank and file and let them shake things up!  Go green.  Be socially responsible.  Learn from the mistakes of the past.  We as a society of conscience must not allow a repeat of the mistakes that have brought them to this point!

 

Warning: New Date Rape Drug for Men

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, pubs and other party-goes to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman. A date rape drug on the market called “beer” is being used by many females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, and in large-quantity containers known as kegs. Beer is used by female sexual predators to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Most men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to desires to perform sex acts with horrific looking women to whom they would never otherwise be attracted. After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, but with a vague feeling that something bad has occurred. Other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life’s savings in a follow-up scam known as “a relationship.” It has been reported that, in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as “marriage.” Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.

PLEASE WARN EVERY MALE THAT YOU KNOW.

If you or someone you know have fallen victim to this insidious “beer” and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in many towns where details of shocking encounters may be discussed in an open, frank, supportive manner with similarly affected men. For the support group nearest you, refer to the “Golf Courses” Section in your local yellow pages.

 

Friends

Good friends are like stars…you don’t always see them but you know they are there!

Old Welsh Saying

 

Marine poem…to all in harm’s way

This poem was written by: CPL Derrick R Williams. The poem was read at the funeral for his buddy, who was KIA 2004.

If I Ever Go To War

If I ever go to war Mom,
Please don’t be afraid,
There are some things I must do,
To keep the promise I made.
I’m sure there will be some heartache,
And I know that you’ll cry tears,
But your son is a Marine now; Mom,
There is nothing you should fear.

If I ever go to war Dad,
I know that you’ll be strong,
But you won’t have to worry,
Cause you taught me right from wrong.
You kept me firmly on the ground,
Yet still taught me how to fly,
Your son is a Marine now Dad,
I love you Semper Fi!

If I ever go to war Bro,
There are some things I want to say,
You’ve always had my back,
And I know it’s my time to repay.
You’ll always be my daybreak,
Through all of life’s dark clouds,
Your brother’s a Marine now, Bro,
I promise I’ll make you proud.

If I ever go to war my Friends,
We’ll never be apart,
Though we may not meet again,
I’ll hold you in my heart.
Remember all the times we had,
Don’t let your memories cease,
Your friend is a Marine now, Dear Friend,
And I’ll die to bring you peace.

And when I go to heaven,
And I see that pearly gate,
I’ll gladly decline entrance,
Then stand my post and wait.
I’m sorry Sir I can’t come in,
I’m sort of in a bind,
You see I’m still a Marine Sir,
So I can’t leave them behind.